Maybe I'll get a sponsorship from Honey Maid.
ARE YOU READY FOR THIS? IT'S ABOUT TO GET REEEEEAAAAALLL.
We are going to bake something that takes a heavy amount of precision, skill, rigorous dedication, and hours upon hours of work. Only the most talented bakers and professional chefs are able to accurately finish this recipe.
Just kidding. We're making a cheesecake.
But it is a bit more difficult than the other recipes and it has to cool over night. So. Prepare yo selves.
A very nice boy that I know, and some of you may know as well, is having a birthday this week. One of the many presents that will be bestowed upon him is this cheesecake. If you actually follow this recipe and bake a cheesecake of your own, you could give it to him for his birthday also. He can never have enough cheesecake.
This is him.
Okay, what you will need for this recipe is:
Crust
- 1 package graham crackers
- 5 Tablespoons butter
Filling
- 3 packages cream cheese
- 1 cup sugar
- 2 Tablespoons flour
- 3 eggs
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 1 teaspoon lemon juice
- A fair amount of fruit - raspberries/strawberries/blueberries/whatever
You will also need a spring form pan - a pan that has a removable base - and an electric mixer, rolling pin, and large ziploc bag.
My favorite part of the whole cheesecake baking process is making the crust because it's destructive and fun! Melt the 5 Tablespoons of butter, then place 2-3 graham crackers in a Ziploc bag. Seal it with no air in the bag. Destroy the crackers with your rolling pin and then mix in a little bit of butter to add insult to injury. Repeat this process until you've asserted your dominance over the graham crackers and nothing remains of them but a mushy sand.
Caution: Graphic images of graham cracker genocide
Once you've shown the graham crackers who's boss, pour them into the pan and evenly disperse the defeated crackers with your bare hands while their spirit's are weak. Show no mercy.
Take that, crackers.
Stick those suckers in the oven for ten minutes at 325 degrees. The crust looks pretty much the same after you've baked it, but it will be firmer to the touch. Set the pan aside.
Now time for the actual cheesecake cookin part. Fire up your mixer and get ready. You're first going to put in all the cream cheese, cup of sugar, and 2 Tablespoons of flour and mix the bajeebus out of them.
My current problem is that I'm baking this at David's house and he either can't find his mixer or is hiding it from me like the joker he is. So I'm going to have to do all this like they did in the olden days, with a whisk and a little elbow grease. But that is my own burden to bear and you lucky little ducklings can use your own electric mixers.
Note: Do not actually put elbow grease into this recipe.
That's disgusting.
Oops, I accidentally made mashed potatoes.
Next, add in the eggs, vanilla, and lemon juice. This part is a lot easier to mix up and gives the filling the cheesecake consistency we all know and love.
Now you're going to take a break from the cheesecake and smash up some fruit. You can use whatever fruit is you want for this part. Strawberries are my favorite to use in cheesecakes, but Wal-Mart sucks and didn't have any so I'm using raspberries. I've also always wanted to make a blueberry cheesecake, so you could try that and let me know how it goes.
Once you've gotten a good amount of your desired fruit, separate 1-2 handfuls and set the rest aside. Mash up your handfuls in a bowl with a whisk.
Baking is truly an art form.
Once you have a delectable, mushy fruity mess, mix the fruit together with the rest of your cheesecake filling. It should turn a beautiful shade of light pink/red/blue/whatever color fruit you are using. Set your mixer to medium/high until the filling is smooth and creamy, or in my case, beat it with a whisk until your fingers bleed.
I never knew cheesecake baking was this violent.
Pour your filling into the spring form pan and pop that sucker back into the oven for 45 minutes at 325 degrees.
Thank you to David Zorn for allowing me to use your kitchen
and your camera for this blog post. In return I will give
you this cheesecake.
Take your cheesecake out of the oven and let it cool for a bit. At this point you're going to put it in the refrigerator overnight, but first...
Baking Pro-Tip: We need to have a serious talk. A serious talk about cheesecake. Because I have a small problem and I'm not totally sure how to solve it. Whenever I bake cheesecake, I almost always get huge cracks across the top of it. I looked it up and this is because of the cheesecake expanding/contracting in the pan as it is heated and cooled. While I've never actually tried it, I read that if you use a knife to separate the edges of the cheesecake from the pan before cooling, the cracks shouldn't form or at the very least appear smaller. I'm not guaranteeing anything, but it should help and I'm definitely going to do it next time I bake a cheesecake.
Alright. Now go to sleep and have delicious cheesecakey dreams until the morning. I'll wait.
Good morning! Are you ready to finish your cheesecake? What's that? It's six am and you didn't think a blog would be able to wake you up this early? Well, too bad. Cheesecake is a difficult task and you've got work to do.
Remember that fruit you set aside yesterday? You finally get to use it!
I'm cutting the raspberries in half and circling them around the whole cheesecake, but you can do whatever you want to decorate your cheesecake.
Mindless, time consuming tasks.
I mean, uh, baking! fun! yay!
Once you've done your cheesecake up all pretty-like, you're finished!
Fruity.
Congratulations. You've made it through a semi-difficult recipe. I've never been more proud. Also I feel like this blog post has been extremely negative despite it's incredibly exciting subject matter. So I'll work on that.
Happy Birthday David!
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